Sorry Ladies

10 Apr

A few hours ago I was playing football at the guest house run by my Burmese friend Stalin (his grandfather really likes communists…his brother’s name is Mao). At one point a young Canadian guy came by and I asked him what he was up to in Mae Sot.

“I’m with a mission helping out some schools in the area” he said.

This isn’t out of the ordinary. Aside from the super-lefty aid workers and the doctors in residency at some of the clinics in the area, the missionaries make up the rest of a sizable group of expats working along the Thai Burmese border.

I told him I was a teacher as well…and the conversation seemed to be coming to a comfortable end.

But before I was able to go back to the game he asked me if I was a Christian.

An awkward “No” was as far as I went.

He paused and stared (erotically) into my eyes.

“Jesus loves you.” He said, not looking away.

“Erm, thanks…” Was all I could say without being a dick.

“He does. Jesus loves you.” He kept staring.

I wanted to say that Scooby Doo thinks he’s swell…but he was just being nice.

So I just smiled nervously, the way you do when a racist elderly person talks loudly about how they think Obama is a terrorist at an Olive Garden…or when someone tells you about a rash they got, or a bowel movement they find particularly fascinating.

After thinking about it I realize that this experience is shared by women across the globe at bars, movies, lunch counters….just minding their own when some schmuck with a glint in his eye and his tongue hanging out says ‘Hey, I really like your hair/shoes/shirt/nametag…etc.’

So, to all the women, past (and future), to whom I’ve come on a bit too strong: I’m sorry. I know how you feel.

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